Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Confession

Wow, am I pensive or am I pensive? I think. I know. But nowadays, I’m thinking a lot. Its like become a habit, a subconscious one. Like when, you bite your nails and you don’t realize what you are doing unless someone, comments on your “bad”, “un-lady-like” behavior. Its like falling through space, thinking you are safe and its only a dream, but waking up just in time to see that you’ve fallen outta your head.


So I naturally have become really serious. I don’t smile. Which I’m hating by the way. This is a very new feeling for me. Not feeling good. Generally, I give Teletubbies a run for their money because of my chirpiness. I’m an irritant at home, because of my slapstick jokes. But that was yesterday. Today, I don’t feel good. Season change, did someone say? No, that’s not it. Let’s just say, I have done some Very Bad Stuff, which I’m feeling Very Bad about.



I broke a friend’s heart. I wasn’t their when she needed me. I was too busy making my future. I left her in the dark, with nothing to support on. I am a monster. There. I said it. I have been a very bad friend. Which I was not. A bad friend, that is. I really don’t know how to re-do (re-vamp? Re-furbish? Re-create?) the trust I’ve lost with my friend.



For a long time, I was thinking. Oh well. To bullocks with it. Why do I care? Yeah, one college mate lost. No biggie. But you know… that small voice inside your head? Behind your ear? Crawling up your veins? That little fella constantly kicked me in the shins, pulling me down to planet earth, and pulling my ears close to its mouth and telling me I M WRONG.



So here I am. Making a confession. I want my friend back. I want everything back to normal. I want sunshine. I want silly smiles on my face again. I want free from guilt.

5 comments:

--xh-- said...

admitting that you did a mistake is half teh part. now, go and sit besides your friedn and talk. adn say that you are really sorry. broken trust is not easy to mend, but if you are really sorry and put across teh message, it can grow back...
things like this do keep happening in life - dont lose ur heart. you did a mistake dosen't means every thing is lost. go, apologise and make teh friend smile again..
all the bets for your friendship :-D

The Organ Harvester said...

sometimes you can do more harm by being helpful. we cant always be there to save the day, and we cant stop our friends from falling down, all we can do is help them get up.

just be there, dont be try to be the superhero, no one looks good in tights.

Smita said...

Just say sorry. Happens to all of us. If you are afraid of a negative response, wait for a while. Or send a letter. Promise to be there next time.

Karma is cyclic. If not anything, reclaim ur good karma :)

Keshi said...

how sweet...

we all break ppl's hearts, sometimes even w.o. realising it. The fact that u realised it such a good thing abt ya. Im sure u'll hug n make up.

Keshi.

Smirob said...

meree bittu rani.... still love you and will always. Thanks for the comeback, my Dampati Heroine and as an exception you'll look good, even in tights... :D
in dramatic style- ab bhi tere bin meri dal nahee galti, cooker nahi chalta... :P
hugs and love to you