She felt a seering pain,
rushing through her bosom.
And who would have thought,
that her life was, but wholesome?




She envelopes herself in,
her world of shadows.
wishes and ambitions crying out,
to her like ancient widows.




She wants to tell the world
of her pain, scream, screech, wail, shout.
But will anyone listen,
without a poundage of doubt?




She resigns herself to her fate
her story left, untold.
Still, crouching, mingling, with the dark
Letting herself unfold.




She is the divine creation,
consumed in her misery,
oh! what a paradoxical irony,
the creator of man, killed...
because she is... SHE.

And also SPIDER MAN 3.

YIPEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! etc

X-3 is coming out.....

Whoever thought Jodie Sweetin was dead...

Ex-Full House Star: I Was Hooked on Meth
WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 01, 2006 02:55PM EST

By Stephen M. Silverman

Former Full House actress Jodie Sweetin has made startling admission: she once had a daily methamphetamine habit.

The problems began when Full House ended its run in 1995, the actress told Good Morning America on Wednesday. "There is a certain sense of loss when a series ends. It is kind of hard to figure out who you are when you've lost your job at age 13, when that was basically how you identified yourself," says Sweetin, 24, who played Stephanie Tanner on the series.

Seeking a "normal" life, Sweetin attended high school and college, and was married by age 20 – to a Los Angeles policeman. But two years ago, feeling bored and being unemployed, she says she began experimenting with drugs and got hooked on meth.

After a three-day "lost" weekend, reportedly followed by an intervention staged by her former Full House costars Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, John Stamos and Bob Saget, Sweetin checked herself in to the Promises rehab facility for six weeks of intense treatment.

Sweetin now owns up to "living a total double life," she tells GMA. "I was married to a police officer – we are going through a divorce right now – he had no idea."

As for the future? "I want to make movies, TV series, wherever the career takes me," she says. "I really hope this isn't the last people hear of me. In fact, I would like to make this a footnote in my career, not the end."






P.S. I'M VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THE TOPIC.

MADNESS

Its been long since I wrote last. An able friend of mine reminded me of the joys of writing, and also reprimanded me on being "one un-original single wheat female" if I remember correctly...
Well, I have been walking. Not, well I admit, all the time, but yes most of the time. I have been on a trip. To the most far off places and back. I have been away with my body, my soul and I feel I can now return peacefully back to earth. I did write about "My trip to Varanasi" and also Ajmer. But that wasn't all. I had seen death, and now I was restless.
I took off like a sphinx spreading her wings far and wide and soaring above all. I was a prisoner of my agitated essence. I took off. I escaped.
Now I'm back. I can rest. My bird is peaceful.
It was maddening, I tell you. I had to prove to myself that I was still alive.
I had to flap my arms and legs, jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore I must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or else I am not alive.
So here I am, back. Again.

PART 1

Daddy's flown across the ocean

Leaving just a memory

A snap shot in the family album

Daddy what else did you leave for me

Daddy what d'ya leave behind for me

All in all it was all just a brick in the wall

All in all it was all just bricks in the wall...

running currently in my head...

St. Anger 'round my neck

St. Anger 'round my neck

He never gets respect

St. Anger 'round my neck



You flush it out, you flush it out

St. Anger 'round my neck

St. Anger 'round my neck

You flush it out, you flush it out

He never gets respect



Fuck it all and no regrets

I hit the lights on these dark sets

I need a voice to let myself

To let myself go free

Fuck it all and fuckin' no regrets

I hit the lights on these dark sets

Put down your noose, I hang myself

St. Anger 'round my neck



I feel my world shake

Like an earth quake

It's hard to see clear

Is it me? Is it fear?



I'm madly in anger with you



And I want my anger to be healthy

And I want my anger just for me

And I need my anger not to control

And I want my anger to be me



And I need to set my anger free



Set it free

guess who's back...

Hey all, I am back. Back from the dead, most probably. But more importantly, I am here to say, and not to run away again...
see ya here, soon... very soon...

The second trip was to Ajmer.
That was my nani's barsi. Don't wanna talk about it, so leave it. Thimma, may the sweetest soul rets in peace.

Miss me?

So I was not in town. That having been said, I think I can leave the rest to all the great story-tellers out there.
But no! I do want talk about it...
First lets talk about how I feel right now...
1) drowsy
2) silly smiles on my face
3) pain in the back

But pain is good. The last month was a journey for me.


The first trip was to varanasi.
That was for a wedding. My aunt happened to get married. My aunt. My inspiration. She is 35, charmingly refreshing, funky, and very career-wise,wise. She did not want to get married, but the Family finally caught with her. And there she is, out in Vaanasi, wedded.

And your point is?

So you think you have had
Enough of metaphors?
Well, be relieved.
Let me give a break,
To your brains sore.




So you want to snatch,
Away my poetic license.
Boiled enough, ready with,
Knives to dice and mince.




So you think you've had,
enough of hard-core sadness.
Funny, don't you think,
I write about mirth, wrapped
in a joke mess?




But let me at least,
Bring my case to point.
I am trying to be a poet,
Its my job to anoint.




It is I, who let you,
Rediscover imagination.
To put a smile to your lips,
With many of my creation.




So lets not be melodramatic,
Put your voices in joint.
Wrap an albatross around my neck,
To bring your case to point.




Love to hate me,
Hate to love me.
All I say is...
BEWARE!!!




I am here to say,
I'll not plead on bent knee.
But I rest my case,
with a justified plea.
Don't get confused,
Its just the way-
You are you
and I am ME!!!

hmmm... Again!

I was thinking... Ya I know, earth-shattering, calamity, sky-tearing, land-mark in history and all that. But still, I maintain, I was thinking... Here are a few thoughts which are running through my mind...


1) Can I make a candle out of ear-wax?
2) The children who act in "A" rated movies, are they allowed to see them?
3) Do stairs go up or down?
4) "Cute as a button"... Is that supposed to be a compliment??? Since when are buttons cute?
5) Why do we have to wash behind our ears? Whoever even looks there, except mum, off-course, but that was like when you were 5 years...
6) Why doesn't the hair on your limbs other than the head grow split-ends?
7) Why is it always like, you know, "as they say", who ARE they?
8) If electricity comes from electrons, then does morality comes from morons?
9) If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
10) Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

WOMEN

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they
are
nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up for injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they
believe
there is a better solution.

They go without new shoes so their children can
have
them.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when
their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a
new
marriage.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They have sorrow at the loss of a family member,
yet
they are strong when they think there is no
strength
left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken
heart.

Women come in all S I Z E S , in all c o l o r s
and
shapes .

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to
show
how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world
spin!

Women do more than just give birth.

They bring joy and hope.

They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and
friends.

Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.




We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious
gynecological disorder excuses.

Taxis stop for us.

We don't look like a frog in a blen! der when
dancing.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The
Speedo.

We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our teammate without ever
touching her rear.

We never have to reach down every so often to
make
sure our privates are still there.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without
having to picture them naked.

If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware
that we look like an idiot.

There are times when chocolate really can solve
all
your problems.

We'll never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at
their shoes.

We can make comments about how silly men are in
their presence, because they aren't listening
anyway.

Educational hang-over

Woke up at 5 in the morning. Oh, it feels like I won a war or..... That close. I mean it is a HUUUGE achievement. I would like to thank my parents for their immense support. I would also like to thank my alarm clock, for not disappointing me. Now, I should probably stop. Hee hee. :)





That probably because I got the educational hangover. Sure, I'll go on and explain the term. In my vocab, its when you studied so much that you know you are full to bursting. You wanna puke it all out. But the auspicious time hasn't yet come. Its gonna be the dawn of my exam day, when it will be all out....






In case, you are still wondering, MY SEMESTER EXAMS ARE COMING UP. I am not the kinda gal, who has already done, like her tenth revision. No, thats Jyotika (BITCH!!!) Its me, poor old me. The simple( or not) girl.












The best episode in the history of my college life


(you don't have to be a history student, though. Its present tense. I am in my 2nd year)
My pa went to college to submit my fees. He met up with the dean, off course for a little chit-chat about the little birdy called Madhulika.


Oh, and girl she went for it. She was like,...
exact reproduction of words---
"oooooooooh!!! Madhulika is absolutely a sweetheart!Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! She is one of the best students here! Oh, Mr. Banerjee, you can't imagine how proud we are of her. We give her example to the coming generations of freshers. Ooooooooooh and aaaaaaaaaaaah."
"But,(here we go...) there's just this one problem. She has lost the zeal to work. She is distracted. She is bunking too many classes. She is going out for a movie, once almost every week. She has lost her drive. Blah blah blah blah blah!!!!!!!!!!!!"








Now for the counter-points from my side, which I couldn't do earlier in front of oooh-aaaah dean...

1> The ooooohs and aaaaahs of my respected dean, were solely meant to be a genuine joy of my antics.

2> I ask you, isn't it , duh, NORMAL, to bunk classes once in a while. Especially, those, which can make you a dead man(ahem, woman) walking, after class?

3> How the hell does she assume, that I go for a movie once every week? Had
I invited her somehow?

4> Oh, by the way , as if I have this giant fortune to go spend it all. ( which I wouldn't mind much, IF it were true)

Its been hell and fury at home since. Hell hath no fury like a father, pricked. I 'll say.






So, moral of the story. I have been in my room for most of the time during the last few days, studying... And the only thing thats revolving around my head right now, apart from, Creative destruction, discontinuous opportunity, business plan, graphs....... Is
" I've become so numb"....
Droool fellow rockers, droool.

Hope, Mirth, Light, Joy

But then I find myself,
Telling me to go on.
Something deep inside,
Urging me to hold on...




That's why I know,
I'll make it.
That's why I show
You, that I dream it.




Under all those dark clouds,
I find me, a silver lined hope.
Under, the past in shrouds,
I found a single thread to grope.




To bring me,
Back to now...
And all thanks to Him,
To show me how.




Cuz, now I know where I am,
And, where I need to be...
And that is my road,
My destiny...

Clearing the poop, ahem, I mean, oop!

My last, was, by far, the most spontaneous, most enraged post ever. Now, after all these days and all those mind-blowing comments from everybody, I am settled into a state of self-knowledge.
First up, a BIG sloppy kiss and a bear hug to everyone, for being so supportive... I was thinking of giving up blogging... GIVING UP BLOGGING!!! My pet rat's ass, I would give up blogging!
Its like, my world(namely the Family) had closed in around me, demanding an explanation. I was interviewed like a convict. I was not given a chance to turn hostile... :p
Anyways, not to take up your time anyfurther, I wouldn't go down so easily. No, I won't give up, I won't give in...(reminds you of a song, doesn't it ?) :)



Halaluuyah, I AM BACK!!!

Shattered...

My ma just came back from this jyotishi, and had very troubling news...Apparently, he can tell about a person's personality without even seeing or meeting him or her. He just requests for the birthdate of the person.
The seer had this to say about me:-
1) I am in love with a man. He is a non-bengali, unlike me. And he is of bad charecter.
I might make some mistake (i.e. sleep with him or something) if I am not careful enough.
2) I am not focused at all, on my goals.
3) I am too fickle-minded.
4) I will do well in the line of journalism.
5) These ups and downs will continue to happen in my life, till I turn 24 years.


Ok, I am too shattered and broken to continue any further. But still I am trying hard not to fall to pieces.

Because, after this incident my mother is on me to reveal my secrets. When , actually there are none.

1) I am not in love with anybody, presently.
2) I am out of focus. God forbid the day I stop being focused, I will seize to breathe.
3) Right now, the only thing on my mind is MBA.


I am burning from within. I am angered. I am provoked.


Right now, I feel there is no need for me to continue with blogging, if they say its distracting me from my path.

To Me or not to Me.

Ok, here I go again... I couldn't think up a better title for this one. But, its just abstract... Life's little quirks, when you just wake up in the morning and it hits you. ZAP!!! This poem was that, for me...





Singing in the showers,
Taking note of the hours.
And what do I find,
May not be even mine.




To tell you the truth,
I don't know myself.
I don't know who got up,
In my bed, in my shoes.




Running along the stream of life,
I see my reflection(or is it?).
Through someone's eyes.
Through someone's mouth,
I hear my name,
Calling from afar.




Then I run back to me,
or to someone who,
May not ever be me.
Cuz, guess what,
Its hard to be me...

Up, up and away!

Guess who just came
to the rescue?
No, not Superman, not God,
Thankyou.


The one, the only one,
who will be there for you.
The one you can't get rid of.
So, start thinking...(hmmmm)
Pause for a moment,
Look around...


Spot that one?
I know you can't
Cuz there's none.
I know you can't
Cuz I just realised...
The one.


Turn back home,
and step inside
Look in the mirror
And rub your eyes,
who's there?
But the one is...but you.

hmmm...

So yesterday and a lot many days before, I have been having these copyrightable with my dad. About what, you dare ask?What do you think but, Off course about my career, my path, my enlightens.... My destiny. It went somewhat like this:-
dad: girl, can I talk to you for a few minutes?
me: sure dad, what's up?
dad: seems like we haven't talked for days.
me: can't say that we haven't!
dad: ok, so what are you thinking?
me: right now, about setting the table and having a good dinner, doing the dishes,and then my homework, and then...
dad: ok, stop, that's alright, I meant your future, what are doing about that?
me: well... I have kinda made up my mind...
dad: hmmm hmmm go on....
me: see, I wanna do my MBA after my graduation preferably from India.
dad: have you given any thought to which university you wanna join?
me: oh yeah right! But don't you think, its the other way round? The university chooses me, not I select it.
dad: That's not entirely true, sweetheart. You have to have a plan, a strategy, a method.
me: wow, dad. I didn't know we were preparing for the war!
dad: don't get funny with me, Bittu(thaws my nick-name. For the un-initiated).
me: I am sorry dad. I just have made up a plan, yes.
dad did smile after that. And do you know how wonderful it feels to see a smile on your parent's face when they beaming at you?
AWESOME!!!


But hey! I know what to do with my life!
I am gonna be a rich girl! Simple. Short. Sweet.
No, that's not a false, icky, girl sentence. I am gonna do it. The question is how? No, the question is how fast. I have got the motivation. That's all alright. But maybe,I need a little more. I need a fire. A spark, to send me up in the sky. And I know nobody is gonna do it but me. I need to stoke it myself.
I need to tell the world that I have it in me to make it big. Let me share something else with you too. I AM SCARED OF THE GLASS CEILING PHENOMENON. You know, its kinda a jargon, sorry I used it. But, had to. It means that its been demonstrated from aeons that women aren't allowed to take top-positions in the corporate world. There's literally a glass-ceiling or a wall between a woman and that CEO post.
I don't want that. India is growing so should the norms.
See, I am not the bra-burning types, but a girl's gotta raise her voice when she's got to!
Maybe I'll will reach there. So, adios, see you on the other side.

LIfe, I'm home!

Yes, life is a journey. That I agree upon. But there is more to it. There are train stations, busstops, tourist spots, heck, tourist spots too, on the way! We just like to sit it a while and take a moment to define it, then... move on. Man has after all very -short-term memory.

Enjoy life, that should be put up in banners across the world. There's plenty of time to be dead. Life, what we sweetly like to call ours, may not be here tomorrow, to define. Its all a circle. A huge gaping circle. But hey who's whining? And don't you dare point any fingers anywhere!

The good and the bad which we so talk about are nothing but our creation. The good is not seperated from the bad and vice-versa.. They are one and they different.. But off-course, one should remember that it is not always black-n-white. There's something in between that's grey, and I'm not talking about a paint spillage on a M.F. H ussain!

My life is my purpose, my aim, my mission statement. What lies ahead of us, and what lies behind us are tiny and miniscule to what's within us. I would also like to mention at this point- "The purpose of life is a life of purpose".

Ah yes, poor old life being compared to nth number of things in the universe. But as somebody very wisely (or wise-cracked? shall we say?) said, life is a video-game. Now that's questionable. I believe in the unexpected, the undetermined, the uncalled, but not necessarily the unwanted. A video-games doesn't have those. But life does.

Life is wasted on the living. They spend way too much of their time philosophising about it.. I on the other hand love living. For myself. For others. For spirituality.


I say, finish every day and be done with it. I have done what I could, some blunders crept in. Forget about them as soon as possible. Tomorrow is a new day. A new life.


In conclusion, I would like to say I'll never be bullied into silence. I'll never allow myself to be made the victim. I'll accept no one's definition of my life. I define it myself, thank you very much.

Mindgames

Angels cheering out to me,
As I lay back in my womb.
Demons leering out at me,
As I lay back in my tomb.


Dreaming, hoping, dying for,
A new lease of life.
Cuz my present has been,
Minced by the jeering knife.


Oh! the past that's past,
Swept away by the time.
Never been roses all the way,
have been white lilies too.


Learning, thinking, picking up,
the pieces, which I'd left,
Don't know where I'd abandoned them,
but, trying to go back with deft.

The Demon Inside!!

The Demon Inside!!

SHE

She felt a seering pain,
rushing through her bosom.
And who would have thought,
That her life was but wholesome?


She envelopes herself in,
Her world of shadows.
Wishes and ambitions crying out,
For her like ancient widows.


She wants to tell the world,
Of her pain, scream and shout.
But will anyone listen,
Without a gram of doubt?


She resigns herselfto her fate,
Her story left untold.
Still, crouching, mingling with darkness,
Letting herself, unfold.


She is the divine creation,
Enveloped in her misery.
Oh! what a paradoxical irony,
The creator of man-child, killed...

because she is a SHE....

"Forward!"

Swami Vivekananda
12.01.1863- 04.07.1902

his clarion call to the youth:

"We want infinite energy, infinite zeal, infinite courage
and infinite patience; then on;y will great things be achieved."

A greatful nation pays homage to
Swami Vivekanada

Past Imperfect

Thinking of the past that's gone,
Washed away, swept away,
Gearing up for the new sun.


Still sitting alone, in my corner,
Engrossed in my thoughts.
The life's greatest adventurer,
trying to recede into a dot.


People ask, oh yes, they do.
They need brain fodder, don't they?
Pepper to spice up their tongues,
To woo...


They try to ask,
What happened,
"What went wrong?"
The effervescent stain
-The question
Yup, its gone last for long.


Life's not unfair,
No, never has been.
Sure the cost of living,
Has risen,
And I still haven't.


Phoenix, my past is,
rising above the city din.

Welcome

Glory is a poison, that can only be taken in small doses.

Today we have bigger houses and smaller families.
we have more degrees and less common sensee.
More knowledge, but less application.

WE have multiplied our possessions
reduced our values.
WE talk too much, laugh too little,
lie too often.

WE have taller buildings , but shorter temperatures.
we have conquered outer space,
not inner space...


So, these were some select line from one of the e-mails I got long time back.
I love this lines. If anybody has any ideas about who exactly wrote them, please
contact me.
I know its a long shot... But what the hell? I am the eternal optimist!