ouch!

WHERE ARE ALL MY PREVIOUS POSTS??????

CAN'T FIND THEM ON MY PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHH!

Status Quo

Man oh Man! Life changes so fast. Oh wait! That's not right. perceptions, feelings, emotions- all futile, freakingly dynamic things.. They change faster than you can say Edward deBono. Take today, for instance, who would have thought, eh?

Oh, I'm not making myself clear, for my own comfort. Before I allow my untamed(potty-untrained) mind to ramble on, i should cite that all following words are going to be- bLAH!

The call, 7:47 pm. Went over to meet it. Maach-bhaath. Shorse baata maach, my favourite. with a little less salt. Smoke. Smoke-screen. A haze. Look past it and I see tears. The river of depression. Promotion-AAD. Emotion.

QED: Its not right. Going at break-neck speed towards the sky and then falling down with nothing to cushion you.


Said it: I have a family to look after. My career in front o me. Heck, possibly the most important year, round that ubiquitous corner.

And I let out a sigh of relief. A long, overdue, over-suppressed sigh.


So I don't know where I am and where I want to be, or go, or as if that matters.
As far as I know, the death of communication happened... today.

DRAT THE PENGUIN!

I live in a colony where, thankfully, people are culturally inclined. Consequently, we have lots of events, activities, programs and what-have-you in our "paadaa"....
So current goings on are a Book Fair, in accordance to the beginning of a new Bengali year.
Now the thing about book fairs are that they are KLPD, as a worthy friend aptly put it!
Point to be noted melaard!!! That abbreviation is not necessarily not my vocab.
Anyways, coming back to the point, books are nice, they are beautiful. They call me. The entice me... Laughing, cuz I cant reach them, due to me meager savings. Ergo, I'm sad. Depressed. more like it.
Boo Hoo.. etc


Some of the damnest best books that India has produced are by Penguin... And I cant afford the penguin.
So here's another inspiration coming your way by yours truly:
Drat the Penguin,
Drat the Penguin.
oye hoye penguin teri manmaani...
Drat the Penguin,
Drat the Penguin.



Sheesh... my life. Hmm

THE FORTRESS

For I've a fortress around me,
surrounding, closing, binding, enclosing.
For I've been building it a while,
slowly, carefully, painstakingly, deliberately.




The walls engulf, the walls hold,
The walls calm, the walls scold.
A torrent of emotions inside waiting to let go,
The walls, controlling, willing to attack my foe.




For the wall is the mask, the veil,
It disguises the passions within, the gale.
For once in a while, it puts an emotion or two in the gallows,
The voices, inherent, screaming from the hollows.




The walls protect, the walls guide,
The walls preserve, the walls hide.
A fragile beast encumbered, sleeping,
Shouldn't let go, the walls dictating.





For now, the walls of the fortress wither,
weak, tremor, shudder, powerless.
Something corroding, eating away at the wall,
Noxious, malicious, venomous...





The fortress has been a friend, a confidant,
A comrade, a martyr.
The beast wakes up now, to say to all,
I can do without, I can do sans the wall.





For what matters is not the poison,
But the actuality of it seeping unto me.
For now, I realise, I sans fortress, sans walls,
Who will be my salvation, to save me?

By the way...

Its Febuarary..... So I guess a
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!! HOOOOOO, YIPPPPPEEEEEE and etc are in order...
And also, realised my blog silently and inconspicuously turned 1 year old, with no fuss, no mess. it did not turn up at home drunk. So i'm happy. she's happy. Everybody's happy.
Ahem.
and oh yeah.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMELIA!

Just a thought...

Memories seem to be such a waste. Useless things stored up, it seems to me at times. Sad memories always make you sad. But ever realised how even happy memories can make you sad when everything ends unpleasantly...?

She felt a seering pain,
rushing through her bosom.
And who would have thought,
that her life was, but wholesome?




She envelopes herself in,
her world of shadows.
wishes and ambitions crying out,
to her like ancient widows.




She wants to tell the world
of her pain, scream, screech, wail, shout.
But will anyone listen,
without a poundage of doubt?




She resigns herself to her fate
her story left, untold.
Still, crouching, mingling, with the dark
Letting herself unfold.




She is the divine creation,
consumed in her misery,
oh! what a paradoxical irony,
the creator of man, killed...
because she is... SHE.

And also SPIDER MAN 3.

YIPEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! etc

X-3 is coming out.....

Whoever thought Jodie Sweetin was dead...

Ex-Full House Star: I Was Hooked on Meth
WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 01, 2006 02:55PM EST

By Stephen M. Silverman

Former Full House actress Jodie Sweetin has made startling admission: she once had a daily methamphetamine habit.

The problems began when Full House ended its run in 1995, the actress told Good Morning America on Wednesday. "There is a certain sense of loss when a series ends. It is kind of hard to figure out who you are when you've lost your job at age 13, when that was basically how you identified yourself," says Sweetin, 24, who played Stephanie Tanner on the series.

Seeking a "normal" life, Sweetin attended high school and college, and was married by age 20 – to a Los Angeles policeman. But two years ago, feeling bored and being unemployed, she says she began experimenting with drugs and got hooked on meth.

After a three-day "lost" weekend, reportedly followed by an intervention staged by her former Full House costars Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, John Stamos and Bob Saget, Sweetin checked herself in to the Promises rehab facility for six weeks of intense treatment.

Sweetin now owns up to "living a total double life," she tells GMA. "I was married to a police officer – we are going through a divorce right now – he had no idea."

As for the future? "I want to make movies, TV series, wherever the career takes me," she says. "I really hope this isn't the last people hear of me. In fact, I would like to make this a footnote in my career, not the end."






P.S. I'M VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THE TOPIC.

MADNESS

Its been long since I wrote last. An able friend of mine reminded me of the joys of writing, and also reprimanded me on being "one un-original single wheat female" if I remember correctly...
Well, I have been walking. Not, well I admit, all the time, but yes most of the time. I have been on a trip. To the most far off places and back. I have been away with my body, my soul and I feel I can now return peacefully back to earth. I did write about "My trip to Varanasi" and also Ajmer. But that wasn't all. I had seen death, and now I was restless.
I took off like a sphinx spreading her wings far and wide and soaring above all. I was a prisoner of my agitated essence. I took off. I escaped.
Now I'm back. I can rest. My bird is peaceful.
It was maddening, I tell you. I had to prove to myself that I was still alive.
I had to flap my arms and legs, jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore I must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or else I am not alive.
So here I am, back. Again.

PART 1

Daddy's flown across the ocean

Leaving just a memory

A snap shot in the family album

Daddy what else did you leave for me

Daddy what d'ya leave behind for me

All in all it was all just a brick in the wall

All in all it was all just bricks in the wall...

running currently in my head...

St. Anger 'round my neck

St. Anger 'round my neck

He never gets respect

St. Anger 'round my neck



You flush it out, you flush it out

St. Anger 'round my neck

St. Anger 'round my neck

You flush it out, you flush it out

He never gets respect



Fuck it all and no regrets

I hit the lights on these dark sets

I need a voice to let myself

To let myself go free

Fuck it all and fuckin' no regrets

I hit the lights on these dark sets

Put down your noose, I hang myself

St. Anger 'round my neck



I feel my world shake

Like an earth quake

It's hard to see clear

Is it me? Is it fear?



I'm madly in anger with you



And I want my anger to be healthy

And I want my anger just for me

And I need my anger not to control

And I want my anger to be me



And I need to set my anger free



Set it free

guess who's back...

Hey all, I am back. Back from the dead, most probably. But more importantly, I am here to say, and not to run away again...
see ya here, soon... very soon...

The second trip was to Ajmer.
That was my nani's barsi. Don't wanna talk about it, so leave it. Thimma, may the sweetest soul rets in peace.

Miss me?

So I was not in town. That having been said, I think I can leave the rest to all the great story-tellers out there.
But no! I do want talk about it...
First lets talk about how I feel right now...
1) drowsy
2) silly smiles on my face
3) pain in the back

But pain is good. The last month was a journey for me.


The first trip was to varanasi.
That was for a wedding. My aunt happened to get married. My aunt. My inspiration. She is 35, charmingly refreshing, funky, and very career-wise,wise. She did not want to get married, but the Family finally caught with her. And there she is, out in Vaanasi, wedded.

And your point is?

So you think you have had
Enough of metaphors?
Well, be relieved.
Let me give a break,
To your brains sore.




So you want to snatch,
Away my poetic license.
Boiled enough, ready with,
Knives to dice and mince.




So you think you've had,
enough of hard-core sadness.
Funny, don't you think,
I write about mirth, wrapped
in a joke mess?




But let me at least,
Bring my case to point.
I am trying to be a poet,
Its my job to anoint.




It is I, who let you,
Rediscover imagination.
To put a smile to your lips,
With many of my creation.




So lets not be melodramatic,
Put your voices in joint.
Wrap an albatross around my neck,
To bring your case to point.




Love to hate me,
Hate to love me.
All I say is...
BEWARE!!!




I am here to say,
I'll not plead on bent knee.
But I rest my case,
with a justified plea.
Don't get confused,
Its just the way-
You are you
and I am ME!!!

hmmm... Again!

I was thinking... Ya I know, earth-shattering, calamity, sky-tearing, land-mark in history and all that. But still, I maintain, I was thinking... Here are a few thoughts which are running through my mind...


1) Can I make a candle out of ear-wax?
2) The children who act in "A" rated movies, are they allowed to see them?
3) Do stairs go up or down?
4) "Cute as a button"... Is that supposed to be a compliment??? Since when are buttons cute?
5) Why do we have to wash behind our ears? Whoever even looks there, except mum, off-course, but that was like when you were 5 years...
6) Why doesn't the hair on your limbs other than the head grow split-ends?
7) Why is it always like, you know, "as they say", who ARE they?
8) If electricity comes from electrons, then does morality comes from morons?
9) If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
10) Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

WOMEN

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they
are
nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up for injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they
believe
there is a better solution.

They go without new shoes so their children can
have
them.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when
their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a
new
marriage.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They have sorrow at the loss of a family member,
yet
they are strong when they think there is no
strength
left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken
heart.

Women come in all S I Z E S , in all c o l o r s
and
shapes .

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to
show
how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world
spin!

Women do more than just give birth.

They bring joy and hope.

They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and
friends.

Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.




We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious
gynecological disorder excuses.

Taxis stop for us.

We don't look like a frog in a blen! der when
dancing.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The
Speedo.

We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our teammate without ever
touching her rear.

We never have to reach down every so often to
make
sure our privates are still there.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without
having to picture them naked.

If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware
that we look like an idiot.

There are times when chocolate really can solve
all
your problems.

We'll never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at
their shoes.

We can make comments about how silly men are in
their presence, because they aren't listening
anyway.

Educational hang-over

Woke up at 5 in the morning. Oh, it feels like I won a war or..... That close. I mean it is a HUUUGE achievement. I would like to thank my parents for their immense support. I would also like to thank my alarm clock, for not disappointing me. Now, I should probably stop. Hee hee. :)





That probably because I got the educational hangover. Sure, I'll go on and explain the term. In my vocab, its when you studied so much that you know you are full to bursting. You wanna puke it all out. But the auspicious time hasn't yet come. Its gonna be the dawn of my exam day, when it will be all out....






In case, you are still wondering, MY SEMESTER EXAMS ARE COMING UP. I am not the kinda gal, who has already done, like her tenth revision. No, thats Jyotika (BITCH!!!) Its me, poor old me. The simple( or not) girl.












The best episode in the history of my college life


(you don't have to be a history student, though. Its present tense. I am in my 2nd year)
My pa went to college to submit my fees. He met up with the dean, off course for a little chit-chat about the little birdy called Madhulika.


Oh, and girl she went for it. She was like,...
exact reproduction of words---
"oooooooooh!!! Madhulika is absolutely a sweetheart!Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! She is one of the best students here! Oh, Mr. Banerjee, you can't imagine how proud we are of her. We give her example to the coming generations of freshers. Ooooooooooh and aaaaaaaaaaaah."
"But,(here we go...) there's just this one problem. She has lost the zeal to work. She is distracted. She is bunking too many classes. She is going out for a movie, once almost every week. She has lost her drive. Blah blah blah blah blah!!!!!!!!!!!!"








Now for the counter-points from my side, which I couldn't do earlier in front of oooh-aaaah dean...

1> The ooooohs and aaaaahs of my respected dean, were solely meant to be a genuine joy of my antics.

2> I ask you, isn't it , duh, NORMAL, to bunk classes once in a while. Especially, those, which can make you a dead man(ahem, woman) walking, after class?

3> How the hell does she assume, that I go for a movie once every week? Had
I invited her somehow?

4> Oh, by the way , as if I have this giant fortune to go spend it all. ( which I wouldn't mind much, IF it were true)

Its been hell and fury at home since. Hell hath no fury like a father, pricked. I 'll say.






So, moral of the story. I have been in my room for most of the time during the last few days, studying... And the only thing thats revolving around my head right now, apart from, Creative destruction, discontinuous opportunity, business plan, graphs....... Is
" I've become so numb"....
Droool fellow rockers, droool.